Okay you guys, I have never actually watched Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Sure I’ve seen snippets of it here and there and I generally have a little bit of an idea what they are up to. (How can you not? They seem to be everywhere!) But today I watched Kylie Jenner’s baby video on YouTube and it made me cry.
I didn’t cry because I’m so happy for her (Although don’t get me wrong, I am. I mean I’m happy whenever a new baby is born.) I didn’t cry because I’m so into the Kardashians and this will extend their show for many more seasons. I cried because it brought back so many memories and it finally hit me that even though my baby is only 2 months old, he is most likely my last baby and I’ll never experience those things again.
The video goes through her entire pregnancy, documenting the reactions of her friends and her loving her belly as it grows and grows. She looks amazing the entire time and is thoroughly enjoying every moment of her pregnancy. And it made me feel like I hadn’t enjoyed my pregnancy enough.
I’m scared I’ll forget those little moments that Kylie remembered to document. Why didn’t I take more belly shots with my second pregnancy? I shouldn’t have complained so much about my aching back and feet. I should’ve put on better outfits instead of living in yoga pants for 9 months. Was I just being lazy?
My baby hasn’t even been outside of me as long as he was inside of me and I miss it. Pregnancy is beautiful even when it isn’t. Even when I felt huge and ugly, I knew I wasn’t. Pregnant women glow even when they are in sweatpants with unwashed hair. The sheer fact they are growing a life makes them amazing. In fact, the days I got the most compliments about looking good were the days I had literally thrown on a maternity t-shirt and yoga pants.
At the end of the video, the screen goes black as we continue to hear the sounds of the baby being born. That made me cry more because birth is such an intimate moment for everyone involved. Just hearing the sounds brought back all of the emotions. My second birth went much more smoothly than my first. It empowered me so much and I felt so connected to everyone else who had ever given birth. Who knew I would ever feel like I had something in common with Kylie Jenner?
But this video made me realize that I need to come to terms with the fact that that chapter of my life may be over. Who knows what the future holds, but we have two amazing children. As much as there will always be regrets about whether I could’ve taken more pictures or videos, I will always remember those kicks and hiccups coming from inside of me. I will always remember looking down and seeing my stomach instead of my feet. I will always remember both of my labors and how different they were, but how fitting they were for each child. There are lots of things that I shared with each of my gestating children that are memories only I have. That is so special.
Kylie Jenner, thank you. Thank you for sharing and making me reminisce for a few minutes. Even though it made me cry, it was happy tears. Happy because my beautiful children are growing and changing each day and even though I’ll probably never hold my own newborn again, the memories will always be there, springing to the surface to remind me not to be sad, but thankful.
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