I’m going to admit something to all of you: I love taking my toddler out in public. I am an introvert raising an extrovert. One of the best things I can do is simply bring Mac along while I run errands. I have been doing that since she was a baby. I get things done while also fulfilling her need to be around people. But toddler tantrums are a force to be reckoned with, especially when running errands. Here is how I deal with and prevent misbehavior while out and about.

(If you’re interested in other ways to prevent toddler tantrums, make sure you check out my ebook about giving toddlers choices. That is one of the best ways I know to prevent toddler tantrums!)

Let me just preface all of this by saying that these tips won’t work every time for every child. Maybe a child is coming down with a cold and they just aren’t ready to put up with running errands. Some children may have sensory issues that the shopping trip is filtered through, making errands an unpleasant experience for them. But these tips are still worth a try.

Bad Behavior or Just Annoying?

Working in a Montessori school, I give the children a lot of freedom. One question I often ask myself is

Are they actually doing something wrong or is it just annoying to me as an adult?

For example, we took Mac clothes shopping. She was in a mood to just run around and because it wasn’t a very busy time in the store, we let her. As I was trying to hurriedly try on some pants (because I definitely won’t buy pants without trying them on!) Mac was busy hiding in the clothes racks. I immediately wanted to get mad, but after taking a minute, I realized she wasn’t actually doing anything wrong. She wasn’t pulling the clothes down. She wasn’t in anyone’s way. She was just being a kid.

Before you take action, make sure you take a minute and really look at what your child is doing. This is also helpful because I know I am guilty of over hyping something in my head. If Mac yells loudly one time in a store, my heart starts racing fast as I wonder what other people are thinking. But most people are either going about their day and don’t notice or are parents themselves and understand what it is like dealing with kids. Relax!

Let Them Experience Life

One of my biggest pet peeves when I am walking around the store is how many children are simply stuck in the cart with a screen shoved in front of their face. I do my best not to judge because lets face it, we moms are all in this together. But if you want your child to behave in the store, they need to actually learn how to behave instead of being distracted from the task at hand. If you usually use the iPad while you shop, consider taking a minimal, mostly unnecessary shopping trip without it and see how your toddler does. I hope they surprise you. Keep reading to learn how to include them in your shopping.

Gently Correct Them

Just today, I brought Mac to the grocery store on the way home from work. As I pushed the cart through the store, she started to get loud and yell because she couldn’t get down in the tiny, bustling grocery store. Instead of getting mad, I simply told her that was too loud and that we don’t shout at the grocery store. Did that instantly make her never yell again? No, but it did cut it down.

Most of you reading will probably be wanting to throw your computer through the window screaming “Okay crazy lady, I’ll just tell my toddler it’s too loud. Hahaha that’ll totally work. Not!” But here is the key:

You have to correct them without getting mad.

Toddlers love your attention and 99% of them don’t care whether they get positive or negative attention from you. They just want to be your entire world. So when they yell at the grocery store and you get mad, they are probably going to do it again. Maybe they think it is funny when you yell. (They are probably right, think of that hissing voice you use to whisper-threaten them while also giving them the look. It is probably hilarious.) Maybe they just don’t care.

This tip is so useful in everyday life. Take a breath before you react. It will be hard at first. But once you work on it, it will become a much more natural reaction for you to calmly handle your toddler.

If You Threaten, You Must Follow Through

If you tell your toddler that they will be riding in the cart the next time they wander away, then put them in the cart next time they wander away. If there are consequences to their actions, toddlers will (eventually) learn the correct behavior.

But here is a word of caution that applies to most toddler punishment:

Make sure the consequence is immediate and equal to the misbehavior.

Toddlers are kind of like dogs: small, cute, and full of slobber. But they also both live in the moment. Taking away TV time they won’t even get until five hours later isn’t going to help the fact that they aren’t listening now. The consequence needs to happen, or at least be felt, immediately.

The consequence also needs to be equal to the misbehavior. If the toddler can’t handle walking next to the cart, they must ride in it. If the toddler keeps throwing their toy on the ground, the toy gets taken away. Toddlers will be much quicker to understand the consequences if they can connect them to the misbehavior.

Just Leave If You Need To

If your toddler ramps up to a full-blown tantrum, just leave the store. It sucks, but it will show them that a tantrum results in complete removal. How can you do that without it being totally inconvenient?

1. Watch for the signs: Let’s be real, we can usually see a tantrum coming. There have definitely been days I knew I was tempting fate by bringing a tired and grumpy girl to the store. At that point, I already knew to make the shopping trip short and only get the necessities. We were in and out before she even knew what was going on.
2. Take a timeout: If you think the tantrum could blow over and be done with just a small break, leave your cart by the service counter and take a timeout in the car.
3. Tag team shopping: If you are on a family shopping trip (or family dinner), one of you take the child out while the other wraps up and pays. Make sure it isn’t always the same person who has to sit in the car with the screaming child though. That would really suck.

Prevention Is Key

I’m going to admit right here that I am the crazy mom who talks to my mostly non-verbal toddler the entire time we are shopping. Here is what I normally sound like:

“Okay, next we need to look for frozen waffles because you had the last one for breakfast this morning. We need to get waffles and then we can go to the front to pay so we can go home. But first we need to look in these freezers for waffles. Do you see them? There they are! Let’s grab a box and then we can go pay.”

I am that crazy, chattering mom for two reasons:

1. Toddlers like to be included. Even though they can’t necessarily answer you back, they love to feel like they have input. When I ask Mac questions, I make sure to give her space to answer and then, I take her answer into consideration.
2. Narrating a shopping trip shows a toddler the process of shopping. Toddlers learn by doing. By letting Mac know what we are looking for and what we will be doing next, she learns how to shop. As she gets older, she can help me actually look for the items, but for now she simply hears my process.

Make sure to give your toddler choices. (If you need some guidance in giving your toddler choices, check out my ebook. It contains everything I know about giving a toddler choices!) Believe me, it will help. “Do you want to ride in the cart or hold my hand and walk?” works so much better than demanding they do one or the other.

So tell me, what are your tips to get through and even enjoy a shopping trip with your toddler?